When I started out as a little infant I was always the curious type, the kind that wouldn’t leave his mother’s side and preferred being alone rather than playing with other children. When I grew up more, I started detaching more from my mother’s loving embrace. I started exploring and experimenting socially and later with the psyche.
As I look back I see that I really didn’t change that much, but 15-year-old me disagreed. I tried to get away from the system in any way I could. I was struggling at school and was carrying Lyme disease with me for the last 2 years. I was not aware of how I was behaving and how I was unconsciously forging the independence that I now value so much.
At age 17 my experimental phase was at its peak, I was smoking a lot of Marijuana and started getting in the world of Psychedelics. I now acquired new perspectives from the substances I was using, Marijuana has learned me how to be open-minded and to see further then the eyes can see. It also taught me respect and discipline, not because I used it but rather the way I have not used it. I treated it like a unconscious emotional fix for the day.
Then came the Psychedelics oh man was this an eye opener for me, throughout my entire life I always sensed things but could not explain what I was perceiving. The day that I used my first Psychedelic was in nature with my friends. We were laughing and having fun while the trip came on. When it started to reach its peak I was blown away by the insights that were given to me. I was discovering how I could find my voice and reclaim the balance in the inner and outer worlds. I could see the energy moving out of my hands and feel the energy of everything around me. the realisation that I had then catapulted my life into the direction were I am now.
Weeks before this I was at an all time low, the dark night of the soul you can say. I was deeply depressed confused and overstimulated with energy I did not know how to manage. I decided to meditate and everyday the pain was weakening, and my mind was getting clearer and clearer. This was just the nudge I needed to learn oh so much from all the experiences that happened in that year.
After a lot of experimenting with Psychedelics I found myself getting drained. I had the feeling that normal days were not enough any more and I lived for these amazing out of this world moments. After some soul-searching I made the conclusion to start investing in me instead of these experiences. I quit every substance and I got high on life. These decisions every single one of them enabled me to be who I am today. Every single ‘bad’ and ‘good’ experience gave me the building blocks to start creating my happiness and life. That is why I want to say that I am grateful for everything.